I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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