Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
