I like my sex mixed with concussions.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
