I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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