"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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