just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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