he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
