on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
