i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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