well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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