I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
