Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
