yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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