I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
