i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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