Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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