I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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