Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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