remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
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he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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