white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
