He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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