Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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