I wish I could teleport
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
