forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
