im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
