Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize