dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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