I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
