I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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