is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This baby is an asshole
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
