I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
