It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
