And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
