im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
