idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
