dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
