Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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