made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth