There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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