come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
