My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
