Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
