Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
