u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize