I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
