If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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