I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize