I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize