my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize