Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
