I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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