shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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