It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
