He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
