discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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