She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
