After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
