one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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