Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
