I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
