hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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