I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
