I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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