he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
