just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
