His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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