Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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