just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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