Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
