that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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