Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
