Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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