tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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