MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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