another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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