You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you win again, gameday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
