Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
