i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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