You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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