Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
