I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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