you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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