Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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